What did you say, I wasn’t listening?

Most people get distracted from time to time while listening to each other.  This is normal.  Unfortunately not listening effectively can cost employees and employers time and money.  There are many advantages to learn to master the skill so listening.

Enhanced Learning

By being a great listener an employee can become more capable and competent.  The more information an employee can take away from meetings, conversations and training sessions, the more knowledgeable they become.  Active listening takes practice and it is well worth the effort.  Good listeners can execute on instructions with little or no follow up.  They are also less likely to make mistakes based on misunderstood instruction or information.

Deepens Conversations

When employees listen effectively, particularly when they listen to the non verbal language as well as the spoken word, it can reduce the risk of inter-personal conflicts. By listening and clarifying for understanding will go a long way to prevent misunderstanding.  It is truly one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. Actively listening to each other can create a culture of respect.

Can Save Time and Money

When employees have clear communication and actively listen to one another, they can reduce the number of errors due to misunderstandings.  This helps promote “doing it right the first time.”  Time is money and when errors are avoided due to good listening and communication, the company saves both time and money. It can also reduce the stress experienced when employees have to go back and correct their errors. When teams have a culture where the employees listen to each other, problems can be detected and solved much more quickly.

Can Build Trust, Rapport and Respect

As a leader it is important to be an active listener.  This communicates that you care and have respect for the employees and those on your executive team.  This can go a long way to enhance employee engagement and motivation.  A leader who knows how to listen effectively is able to capture important information that will help prevent errors.

Five Tips on How to Actively Listen

1. Mentally prepare  – to mentally prepare, clear your mind of other thoughts and focus on the conversation you are having.  Decide to pay attention and block any internal dialogue that comes up.  Remove any distractions or move to a place where there a no or minimal distractions.  Keep an open mind and listen to everything before forming any opinions.
2. Pay Attention – not only pay attention to the words that are spoken also observe body language.  Make eye contact, listen with empathy and make sure your body language communicates that you are open (ie no crossed arms). 
3. Do not interrupt.  Listen until speaker is completed and avoid adding comments along the way.
4. Provide feedback or ask questions for clarification.  Acknowledge the speaker with non verbal clues that you are listening.  Smiling, nodding or other affirmative gestures will let the speaker know you are listening. Paraphrasing or repeating what the speak said will also indicate you have listened.
5. Repeat steps one through four until you are both satisfied that the communication has been effective.

Why is it that some leaders are successful, while others struggle?  In this guide in narrative form, Russell Baxter, a fictional character and outgoing CEO, shares his secrets of success with incoming CEO Amir Ahmed.  Baxter demonstrates that great leaders need to be aware of their vulnerabilities or blind spots and take action to make necessary changes.Filled with practical advice, Blind Spots shows the value on drawing on experts to develop valuable skills that can take your business to the next level.  For the month of September our blog will highlight short excerpts from our book Blind Spots ~ Solving Hidden Business Problems.

Blind Spot One: Networking Without Connecting

WHAT NETWORKING ISN’T

Networking isn’t selling a product, or selling yourself. It’s not an excuse to get your name out there to as many folks as possible. It’s not an excuse to be sleazy. It’s not an attempt to take advantage of others, or to have others take advantage of you.

WHAT NETWORKING SHOULD BE

Networking is the act of making genuine connections and fostering the connections you choose for the long-term. It starts by finding out your own values and purpose,and then finding other people with similar ones—people who believe what you believe.

WHAT STEPS TO TAKE

Start by realizing who you are. What is the core of your mission? What goals are you trying to achieve in your organization and career? When we talk about “goals,” we don’t mean goals like “making a sale” or “becoming VP.” We mean more substantial goals that contribute towards a vision of the world, and how it could be better.

Thought leader Simon Sinek says, “People don’t buy what you do. They buy why you do it.” Share your purpose first instead of your product. This will get you more meaningful responses, and will help differentiate you from the crowd. “My name is Russell Baxter and I sell toasters,” won’t find you the same meaningful connections as “my name is Russell Baxter. I believe that industry can work together with the environment, and we do so by empowering people to make smart decisions about their kitchen appliances.” People who believe what you believe will be fascinated by what you do.

Blind Spot Two: Leading Without a Personal Brand

 WHAT PERSONAL BRANDING IS, AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT

A personal brand is, essentially, your reputation as determined by the experience you create for the people around you. Your brand affects how people approach you, think about you, and even how they match you up for work.We all have a brand. It’s the sum of our actions—big and small. From how you do your job, to how you dress, it all paints a picture that other people will use to create their idea of you, and the story they share.  It’s easy to forget that our brand exists. And it’s even easier to forget that we can directly influence our personal brand. By being conscious of our brand, and by acting with intent, we can be strategic about building the brand we want.

If you’ve ever been passed over for a promotion, or if you’ve ever felt disrespected, it’s a good time to check in on your personal brand, seek feedback from others, and discover what you are doing to contribute to that, and work to align your brand to become an authentic reflection of you.

Blind Spot Three: Neglecting to Develop Your Direct Managers

 ENGAGEMENT IS CRUCIAL IN THE WORKPLACE

Engagement is much more than just “something nice” to strive for; it’s a vital element for a healthy workplace. Engagement is also a major factor in the success of a business. Studies have shown that the more engaged an employee is, the more profitable the company becomes.

Employees who are engaged will work harder, respond better to change, and will persevere through challenges better than disengaged employees.

DIRECT MANAGERS ARE INSTRUMENTAL IN ENGAGEMENT

Direct managers are on the front lines of engagement. The relationship between a direct manager and his or her team can make an immense difference in retaining top talent: it’s very rare that an employee will decide leave or stay with a company because of the CEO; instead, employees usually leave or stay based on their relationship with a direct manager.

Direct managers are in the crucial position of managing the most important part of a company: the talent. That’s why companies should invest time and effort into developing their direct managers.

Communication and Leadership from the Top by Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

I was reviewing the statistics from the Athena Alliance blogtalk radio show and noticed that the shows that had the most listens were those that had to do with communication and leadership. I have captured some of the key points from these shows in this week’s blog.

Often leadership teams consist of between 7 – 9 executives, depending on the size of the organization.  One thing is very clear, it the attitudes and actions of this team that can impact the overall culture and performance of an organization.  There is often a common thread with people at the top, they are very similar in nature.  Qualities such as driven, outcome focused and competitive are what contributed to their success. There is a challenge with teams when the top people are too much alike.  They might be missing some important components such as creativity, heart or imagination.

The most successful teams have members who operate at a level of personal awareness.  They who they are and what their triggers are.  Awareness is key.  In order to build a high functioning team, it needs to be built on a strong foundation of trust.  Without trust nothing else works.  Leaders need to clearly define what trust looks like for their team and what are values they will living by.

Clear honest and open communication is paramount to success.  If there is conflict with the members of the senior team, it will be reflected throughout the rest of the company.  Having a solid foundation of trust will allow the members to challenge each other’s perspective with no negative impact on the culture or results. 

They big takeaway for me from reviewing these shows is the importance in knowing yourself and what drives you.  Knowing whether you lead through people, vision, drive or process will help you create a team to compliment your strengths.  No leader can be all things, and trying to be all things can only lead to stress.  We often hear the phrase “play to your strengths.”  Powerful teams have a balance of personality, preferences and strengths.

Another challenge a leadership team can face is when the members are operating with their departmental goals as top priority.  Often a shift has to take place to operate with the focus on the overall organizational goals.

Over the years leadership has changed; it used to be a top down model, then it moved to a flatter structure to now it is almost circular – where various departments and customers are included.  Having the four generations in the workplace and more social media connections has changed the corporate landscape for sure.  It offers new and exciting opportunities as well as challenges, but one this is the same: building trust in communication and leaders is timeless.

Volunteers Make a Difference by Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

I personally have volunteered in many capacities throughout my life and have always felt I often got more from volunteering than the organization I volunteered with.  I have often said if leaders could inspire their employees to contribute in the same way volunteers do, companies would improve morale, productivity and the bottom line.  I was impressed when I did a little research and found the following statistics:

12.5 Million Canadians volunteer every year

2.1 Billion is the number of hours that Canadians volunteer – that equals 1.1 million full time jobs

And that’s not all…

54% of all non-profit and charitable organizations have no paid staff…

73% of businesses either support or accommodate employee volunteering

95% of Canadians engage in at least one form of social support

So why do we do it?

When it comes to volunteering all that is needed is passion and positivity!

People volunteer for many different reasons and some of these include:

1)    To make a contribution to their community

2)    The desire to make use of their personal skills and experiences

3)    Having been personally affected by the cause they support

 There are many benefits that you may or may not be aware of:

1)    Helps to build self-esteem and life satisfaction (it gives you a healthy boost to your self confidence and natural sense of accomplishment – an enhanced sense of pride)

2)    Strengthen community – helps people connect and make new friends and support systems, which results in a stronger community

3)    Improve health – combats depression as it keeps you in regular contact with others and helps develop a strong support system. Volunteering is especially beneficial in older adults.  Studies have shown that volunteers have a lower mortality rate than those who do not and volunteering has also been shown to lessen the symptoms of chronic pain or heart disease.

Something interesting to note: Children and youth are more likely to become engaged citizens if they see someone they admire helping others including their parents or grandparents

So if you ever think that that you don’t make a difference – think again – you do – a BIG difference!

I know that I have had many experiences that will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I have done volunteer work for the Women Moving Forward Conference, United Way, Free the Children, Vipassana (meditation centre), Big Sisters, Landmark Education, Leisureworld and Thornhill Hospice.

From these experiences I really understand that in giving – we get….. and although it is not our intention to volunteer in order to get something… I believe we get so much more than we give….

 “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”  Margaret Mead

Having One Vision DOES Make a Difference  

 I had a dream to run a conference  to celebrate the courage of women as they move forward, in spite of challenging circumstances, from lives in unhealthy conditions.  I didn’t know where to start or exactly what I should do since I had never done anything like this before.

The goal was deliver a conference to 100 women moving forward at no cost to the participants.  These women would not normally have the resources to attend a conference such as this and that each participant leave the conference feeling more confident and empowered than when they walked in.  

The first thing I did was reach out to my community to ask for support.  I was amazed at the responses I received. From one email I had enough volunteers to form a committee, I had volunteers for the event and professional speakers, trainers and coaches volunteer their services..  The first annual “Women Moving Forward Conference” plans quickly got underway.  We confirmed a no cost venue within the first two weeks, however due to construction it would not be available to us.

Our committee rallied together and created fundraisers.  We did Wingman Parties, bake sale and Zumba parties to raise enough money to pay for the things we needed.  The conference took place on Saturday June 1, 2013 at the North York Memorial Hall.

We had financial donations from private contributors and had food, beverages and door prizes donated from companies such as Starbucks, Loblaw, BBM, Novotel, Druxy’s and many more.

Our main keynote speaker Kelly Falardeau (author of “Self Esteem Doesn’t Come in a Bottle”) was flown in from Edmonton using a donation of air mile points.  One of our committee members knew Juno winner Divine Brown and she volunteered her time and was our opening keynote speaker.

As you can imagine the details and follow up was ongoing.  One of my committee members and I went to women’s shelters, outreach centres for women and organizations such as the WYCA to promote our event. When I look back on the magic of the planning and execution of everything I am amazed at how six women with very different skills sets came together and stayed together through the year it took to make it happen.

Kelly arrived on the Thursday before our event and she also pitched in to fill the gift bags and all the last minute details   She commented several times that she had never seen a group of women work so well together.  There was a synergy that was present on our committee that was accepting, non judgmental and supportive.  It simply worked.

When I sat down and thought about what it was that made our team so successful, it was clear to me that each of us shared the same common goal.  If there were personal agendas they were not apparent.  I talked to our committee about this and they all agreed.  When things didn’t go the way they were planned or someone dropped the ball, there was no finger pointing or blaming.  We simply did what needed to be done and kept our vision of the experience we wanted our participants to have.  Having the same common vision DOES make a difference.  It makes a difference in how one responds to the day to day events in running a conference or a company.

I speak with leaders all the time and they often express frustration with their teams that they are “not on the same page.”  There are many ways to create a shared vision and I will share some of those in my next blog. 

The first annual “Women Moving Forward Conference” was a huge success, beyond what we expected and are now in planning for our second event.  One woman said “It was the best day of my life” and we will all keep that in mind as we move forward creating future events.

“Self Leadership” By Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

I have written about the subject of self leadership in previous blogs and I think it is an area where we all need reminders from time to time.  What I am referring to by self leadership is to know yourself (your areas of strengths and also the areas where you need additional support) so you can put structures in place to help when you get off track.

So much of what we do is habitual and unconscious and when we want to make positive changes we can be challenged if we are not aware of the choices we are making.  Have you ever had the experience where you have done or said something only to question yourself later “what was that all about?”  I know I have and it becomes a nuisance when it happens repeatedly.

In all of my training programs we spend time looking at our choices. My philosophy on this is that we only have two choices: we can choose reasons or results.  Participants will often push back and say they have good reasons for not meeting their objectives.  I challenge them to look closer and when they do they often agree they are excuses, not real reasons.

Over twenty years ago I attended a workshop led by Jack Canfield and I can remember a phrase he used “if it is to be, it is up to me.” Simple phrase, lasting impact.  To this day I remember that saying and it motivates me to keep taking the actions I know to do so I can achieve the results I want in my life.

Here are five tips to help develop more self leadership:

1)    Know who you are and take full responsibility for your life.  This includes how our think, speak as well as how you ask.  Be a role model for others.

2)    Clarity – be clear about what you want to accomplish and how you will spend your time. Focus on the activities that align with your values.  Develop the confidence to say “no” when the request doesn’t serve you.

3)    Live with integrity and authenticity.  Say what you’ll do and do what you say not only helps build self esteem and self leadership, it gains respect from others.

4)    Manage your emotions and exercise empathy.  I love the Buddhist’s saying “This too shall pass.”  When we have developed powerful self leadership skills we are able to manage our emotions appropriately and at the same time have empathy for what others may be going through.

5)    Develop the grace of gratitude. Be thankful for what you have accomplished and you will radiate self confidence and experience higher levels of self esteem.

I wish I could say I am perfect at being my powerful self, but I can’t.  I am a work in progress.  I have come a long way and feel very grateful for what I have accomplished. I get up excited each day for what the day will bring!  I know my success will be directly in alignment with the choices I make and I will continue to check in with myself to make sure I am getting the results I want.

What about you?  What do you want Reasons or Results?

An Evening with Oprah

In my last blog I shared my exciting news that my family surprised me with an early birthday and Mother’s day gift – two tickets to see Oprah at Copps Coliseum in Hamilton.  I did not have the opportunity to ask my question, but the exercise of thinking about it was beneficial.   I am now going to find a way to ask it anyway.

My sister and I left inspired and I am excited to share with you my biggest take away(s).  Even though most of what Oprah said was not new to me, it was a great reminder to get and stay connected to who you are.  I have watched her shows for the past 25 years and have learned a lot from them.  This evening was a great reminder for me to re-connect to the things that are most important in my life.

For those of you in a leadership role and want to become a more inspiring leader this tip is for you!  Oprah shared that whenever she does interviews for her life class show everyone asks her the same question after the interview is over.  Famous people like Obama, Steven Tyler, Bon Jovi and others all ask “How did I do?”  or “Did I do OK.”  This confirmed for Oprah (and me as well) that each of us as human beings want to be acknowledged and know we did a good job.  Oprah shared that all humans want three simple things: to be heard (to know that they were really listened to), to be acknowledged (this is our deepest need as a human) and to make a difference (to know that our life matters).  Do these three things as a leader and you have the tools to build a powerful team.

This confirmed what I have read about effective leadership, to acknowledge and listen to your employees is more powerful than more money.  It seems like a small thing but it is one of the most powerful leadership qualities. 

Another question Oprah asked was “Who Are You?”   Not your job, your roles or responsibilities but who are you?  She shared that for as long as she can remember she is the Whisper of God (or Universe or whatever higher power you believe in, or not).  This is who she is, not what she does. She does many things.  I have been thinking about this for myself since Saturday and have spoken with a few of my friends and colleagues.  For me I am a “connector” in every area of my life.  I can see it and feel it.  What about you, who are you?  There is a trend now for leaders to “brand” themselves and this is in alignment with this.

Oprah also shared about the importance of being present.  We hear it all the time “Be Here Now.”  If you want to be a more powerful leader in your life, whether it is exercising self leadership or leading others it is critical to be present.  Learning techniques such as meditation will help you be more connected and in the moment will also help you further develop as an inspiring leader.  She also shared the importance of an attitude of gratitude.  We have so much to be thankful for and often we take things for granted.  Take the time each day to either journal or verbalize the things you are grateful for. 

I taped the show and once I listen to it I will share other insights in future blogs.  Whether you like Oprah or not, her life lessons and the life lessons of her guests can be applied to everyone.

Six Pillars of Self Esteem – The Practice of Living 6

As a coach, I often get asked the question “What do you think the biggest take away is for the people that you have coached?”  Obviously it varies from person to person, and the most common feedback I hear is coaches say they have more self confidence and a higher level of self esteem.  I know for me personally this is true as well.  Several years ago I read the book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden. The information in this book has stayed with me and has helped influence my coaching style. The June blogs will highlight each of the pillars and provide an exercise at the end of each one.

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – The practice of living:

Pillar #6 – Personal Integrity

• The integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs and behavior.  When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity.

• When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgment of what is appropriate (hypocrisy), we lose face in our own eyes (not self-accepting.).  If it becomes habitual, we trust ourselves less or cease to trust ourselves at all.

• When we breach our integrity, we wound our self-esteem.  Only the practice of integrity can heal it.

• Integrity is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.  The more you live with integrity, the more you enjoy self-esteem.

• Integrity does not guarantee that we will make the best choice but we must stay conscious, stay connect with our knowledge, call on our best rational clarity, take responsibility for our choice and its consequences and most importantly, do not seek to escape into mental fog.

• Most of the issues of integrity we face are not big issues but small ones, yet the accumulated weight of our choices has an impact on our sense of self.
  • We start to not trust our judgment.

• The higher the level on consciousness at which we operate, the more we live by explicit choice and the more naturally does integrity follow as a consequence.

Exercise for Pillar #6

Complete the sentence: Integrity means to me…

Complete the sentence: If I think about the areas where I find it difficult to practice full integrity…

Summary…

Behaviors that generate good self-esteem are also expressions of good self-esteem.  Living consciously is both a cause and an effect of self-efficacy and self-respect.  And so is self-acceptance, self-responsibility and all the other pillars.  Surrounding all this is the love for experiencing your life! Self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness.

The philosophy of self-esteem

Practices (actions) and convictions (beliefs) both play a role in supporting self-esteem

• Convictions are important because they give rise to emotions and actions (practices).  They are a crucial factor in the development of an individual’s self-esteem.

• Beliefs are convictions deeply grounded in our being.

• Our beliefs may be so implicit in our thinking that we are hardly aware of them or not aware of them at all.  Yet they clearly lie behind our actions.  These are beliefs about our self or beliefs about reality.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

• Our self-esteem – high or low- tends to be a generator of self-fulfilling prophecies.

• We will either sabotage our route to success (what we want) or sabotage our sustainment of that success because our self-esteem is not worthy of the results we produce. 

• If a self-concept cannot accommodate a given level of success, and if the self-concept does not change, it is predictable that the person will find ways to self-sabotage.  We are in an adversarial relationship with our well-being.

Self esteem and peak performance

• When you have a healthy self-esteem, you become unstoppable in your achievements.
• If you live consciously and consciously live the pillars of self-esteem you have achieved your peak performance.

• We can run not only from our dark side but from our bright side – from anything that threatens to make us stand our or stand alone or that asks that we break through to a higher level of consciousness and reach a higher ground of integrity.

• We live productively – making ourselves competent to life.

Look at long term – what you do today is planting seeds for the future – not immediate gratification

• Think in terms of small steps.  Small improvements make a difference.

• Only need to raise one’s average level of performance a little to experience growth in self-efficacy and self-respect.

• Fear and pain should be treated as signals not to close our eyes but to open them wider.

• We must be self-disciplined which requires the ability to defer immediate gratification in the service of a remote goal.  This is the ability to project consequences into the future – to think, plan and live long-range.

• You have respect for the present that does not disregard the future and respect for the future that does not disregard the present – you must live consciously!

You are never going to be perfect

It’s the action of trying to be the best we can that builds self-esteem (as long as you live consciously to the fact that you will never be perfect).